Awwwww, aren't they cute!? I took this picture when we were all home visiting and I just happened to upload it today. I love this picture. Of course Olivia and Rylee are looking at the TV, but that's ok. They are cute no matter what they are doing :) What a great Grandma!

Chris, Olivia and I headed home (Ventura/Santa Paula) for a weekend with the family. My sister, brother-in-law and niece Rylee all came too. It was really nice to see my family (especially my niece, who seems to be growing at a VERY rapid rate)! I miss them all so much and it feels so nice to be surrounded with loved ones. Plus, everyone was so happy to see Olivia, she must have felt soooo special, cause she is! Here are a few pics from the weekend.

and I LOVE it! I was also able to make it home from work just in time to have some daylight left for a photo session with Olivia. Seriously, I was able to take about 5 pictures before it got dark and then that was it! In addition to this, it is also Friday and I don't have to go to work for 2 whole days!!!

I apologize to all that have been looking here for updates and pictures of Olivia. This is my 3rd week back at work and I just don't seem to have the time for anything anymore! On top of wanting to spend all my "free" time with Olivia, I also just joined a gym and spend massive amounts of time trying to prepare everything for the next day. I swear I spend everyday trying to just get ready for the next. My life is currently crazy and I hate it. I must find stability and find it soon because I am not happy with my current situation at all. It seems like everything I am passionate about has taken a backseat to my job, which I don't even like....my baby, my camera...heck, even my daytime TV shows. I just wish I could be home with my baby and being the mom I truly want to be. I currently feel like I am failing as a mother. It is the worst feeling I have ever felt. I tried to take pics of her this past weekend and she just looked sad in all the pictures. Just see for yourself. She misses her mommy :(

So I copied some of my "blog buddies" and did the ever so popular "100 things about me" post. I thought this would be difficult but proved to be really easy for me. These are the first things that came to my mind. For those of you that know me, there is nothing here that will shock you! Enjoy learning about me...

1. I am 27 years old
2. I love ice…a lot!
3. I love frozen yogurt
4. I used to swim competitively, for about 15 years
5. I love pink and brown together
6. Top sirloin is my favorite piece of meat
7. I have an addiction to Diet Pepsi
8. I love Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf and prefer it over Starbucks, although I must admit Starbucks has far better coffee
9. I worked at Starbucks for 3 years
10. I taught swimming lessons and life guarded at the YMCA for 6 years
11. I hate movies and don’t have the patience to watch them
12. When I read a book, I skim through a lot of it
13. I love magazines
14. I have an obsession with picking Olivia’s nose and ears
15. I only drink bottled water and bagged ice even though my fridge dispenses both
16. I am very open and honest, sometimes too much so
17. Chris and I dated 5 years before we got married
18. We lived together for the entire 5 years prior to marriage
19. We were best friends before we started dating
20. I am ALWAYS early everywhere I go…being late gives me anxiety
21. I usually use a pencil because I hate mistakes and must be able to erase
22. I graduated from SDSU at 24 years of age
23. I have my BA in Sociology
24. I am 5’ 4”…too short
25. I love Disney movies, Peter Pan being my favorite
26. I love Tinkerbelle
27. My first car was a 1987 Dodge Caravan…navy blue with wood trim, UGLY!
28. I totally SUCK at math
29. I eat when I am emotional
30. I love Las Vegas
31. I love to gamble but hate to lose my money
32. I never had braces and my teeth are super straight
33. I have had 3 root canals and a million fillings…you can’t have it all!?
34. I have a myspace account
35. I have been married 15 months
36. I got pregnant with Olivia after being married for 4 months, to the day.
37. I got pregnant the first time we tried
38. I love the number 17
39. I have blond hair and it is natural
40. I get my brows waxed every 3 weeks…I try to anyway!
41. I never polish my toes and still have on the same polish from when I gave birth
42. I hate to shave my legs and don’t do it too often…the swimmer in me!
43. I have to have lip gloss/lip balm on me at all times
44. I wear sunglasses even when it is overcast
45. I have 2 cats at my house, Jack and Shamp
46. I hate having my blinds open in my house
47. I LOVE water
48. I take a shower when I don’t feel good
49. I eat ice when I don’t feel good
50. I brush my teeth 2x a day
51. I get excited for the mail to be delivered
52. I have to sleep with a fan on
53. I do not sleep in the sheets, I fold them down and put a blanket over me
54. I sit with a heating pad when ever I am cold
55. I am very passionate and easily excited
56. I have a short temper
57. I am very impatient
58. I sit online ALL day long
59. I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia at 27 weeks pregnant
60. I was on bed rest from 27-36 weeks pregnant
61. I was induced on 9/16 and did not deliver until 9/18, I had 32 hours of labor!
62. I feel proud to be a woman and cherish the L&D process I endured
63. My mom is my best friend
64. I tend to be impulsive and it can get me in trouble
65. I was a stoner until I turned 24, then I moved on with my life.
66. I love my Boppy and feel uncomfortable feeding Olivia without it
67. I hate closed toe shoes and would wear sandals all the time if I could
68. I love the color purple
69. I am scared of dying
70. I have a severe fear of illnesses like cancer and the stomach flu
71. I had a strange addiction to pancakes and key lime pie while pregnant
72. I used a fetal heart rate Doppler until I gave birth
73. I have always been athletic, Chris is artistic…what will Olivia be?
74. I drive a 2003 Toyota Corolla, which I bought and paid off myself
75. Chris and I own our own town home
76. I have 1 sister named Lisa
77. I am a very proud Aunt to my beautiful 21 month old niece Rylee
78. I am actually good friends with my sister-in-law Suzanne
79. I read in the bathroom
80. I love the rain
81. I love photography and have recently become increasingly passionate about it
82. I love banana bread…NO NUTS!
83. I think I have the most beautiful wedding/engagement ring
84. I have my nose and belly button pierced…aren’t I too old for that?
85. I have a tattoo on my lower back but wish I didn’t
86. I talk a lot
87. I am very stubborn and opinionated…I swear I am a good person!
88. I am in love with my daughter, she is the custest, most special, loving baby ever!
89. I love Hawaii and can’t wait till my in-laws live there so we can visit!
90. I hate to fly but do it anyway
91. I love my family and wish I lived closer
92. I want a bigger car
93. I have an “artificial” Christmas tree
94. I love Yankee candles
95. I love dark chocolate
96. I spend a lot of my time on the Nest and actually made friends on there
97. I LOVE being a mom
98. I feel very blessed in my life
99. I need to lose 50lbs
100. I want to be a stay at home mom more than anything in the world

Geez, now that I am back to work, my weekends sure fly by. I spent my entire weekend with Olivia since Chris had to work both days. It was nice, it gave us a lot of one on one time and she is soooo funny lately! She finally started laughing out loud and she just cracks up all the time! She loves when I smell her feet and say how stinky they are. She also likes when I tell her to get her booty over here, even when she is sitting on my lap :) As parents, we really act like idiots to make our kids laugh and smile. She is seriously the cutest thing ever and totally worth acting like a fool for! On a sad note, I am depressed all over again about going to work this week. It seems like it will never get easier! I know it is going to get harder first because I start working the full 8 hours on Tuesday. I was REALLY enjoying this part-time stuff!

Well, per the request of her Grandma Connie, Olivia and I took some more pictures today. I practiced setting my white balance on my camera used Livvy as my test subject. I am not sure how successful I was at this, but hey, I tried. Olivia on the other had was very successful at being cute, as expected :) However, she seems to be overly aware that I am trying to take her picture and has become rather good at not looking at the camera, blowing bubbles, putting her hands in her mouth and looking sad. This range of emotion and activity are evident in todays pictures.

Well, we really have a reason to celebrate and cherish the new year...Olivia has really made life so exciting and worth living to it's fullest! We are seriously in awe of every little thing she does. She grows and changes so fast! We spent the new year at home, had a good meal and rung in the new year with the whole family in bed! Thank God for the king size bed, it is a perfect fit for the 3 of us! And to be totally honest, I did not miss the parties or crowds that we normally endure during the new year. This was far more mellow than our typical Las Vegas new year!

Unfortunately, all fun must come to an end and I returned to work on January 2nd, leaving me with little time to focus on anything but Olivia in the evenings. No time for the blog, no time for our "photo sessions", no time to do anything but hold my little girl, by choice of course! I really did not want to return to work or send Olivia to daycare, but you have to do what you have to do to survive. The first day back was rough, but Olivia did really well in daycare according "the lady" that watches her. Me, on the other hand, not quite so good. But we will adjust and we will get into our own routine. The worst part is that I feel so cheated. I feel cheated of my daughter's childhood. My favorite part of our day together has always been the morning...she is soooo happy, always smiling and laughing. Now "that lady" gets to see all those beautiful smiles and precious giggles. I am scared of missing all her "firsts"...the first time she rolls over, sits up, crawls, walks, EVERYTHING! I am beyond devastated. Chris always tells me..."you knew you would have to go back to work, we had discussed this", but I NEVER knew it would be this painful and difficult. I love her more than words can say and I don't want to miss a thing.

Excuse me while I wipe my tears away :(